A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead
of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather
jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may
know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy
replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter
consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken
robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The taxi-driver
goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He
stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for
the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to
the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.""Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets
a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?" "Up here, we work
by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept;
while he drove, people prayed."
Crazy Joe had been up in the church belfry, slamming his head
against the bell. Then he fell and was knocked unconscious. Before his limp
body was taken away, the EMS team asked Pastor Festink if he recognized him.
"Yes," said the pastor, "his face does ring a bell." The next day, Crazy
Joe's twin brother was up in the church belfry, slamming his head
against the bell. He, too, fell, but to his death. Before his
limp body was taken away, the coroner asked Pastor Festink if he
recognized him. "Yes," said the pastor, "He's a dead ringer for
Crazy Joe."
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas
cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we
come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic
ones."
A bishop visits a church one Sunday and is surprised to find the
pews nearly empty. He looks around, wondering why so few people are
there. He thought there would be more, if only to see him. Turning to the
rector, he asks if she had informed the congregation he was coming. "No,"
she says, "someone else must have."